My coworkers love me

The people at my work disdain recycling like Patttttt disdains Adbusters (which is understandable since his wife works for the machine). Here is an email I sent to encourage recycling at my work. NSFW? Probably, if they understood that my mooninite intellect is advanced beyond all that they can possibly comprehend with 100% of their brains.

It's that time of year again. That's right, Volume 2, Issue 1, year 2008 of Annual Recycling Report. After many request to publish a 2nd volume, mostly from Mr. ____, I have decided to publish early.
After the amazing articles in Volume 1, I'm shocked to find some people who are still unaffected by my delicate prose. Taking this into consideration, I've included visual representations and eliminated most big words, as well as complex conceptual and technical articles. Hopefully this altered approach will aid in assimilation of applicable information.
The _____ County _____ Department has provided us with various receptacles for deposition of waste and recycling. As many of you may have noticed there are 13 beige waste baskets spread throughout the dispatch floor, 1 for each position. There are also 9 larger blue recycling bins. There is 1 in training, 1 in the kitchen, and 7 evenly distributed throughout the dispatch floor. We have been provided with 2 different types of receptacles because different items are supposed to be placed in each. Even though the blue bins are highly visible, there has been an ongoing problem of placing items that should be recycled in the trash. There are a variety of theories and conjecture as to why people place recycling in the trash. Some might not be educated on what items are recyclable. Some might not want to leave their posts for those extra few feet for fear of missing a 911 call or delaying radio traffic. Some just might not care.
For the 1st group of people, who might not be educated on what is and is not recyclable, I have included 3 attachments. I acquired these attachments from the company who provides recycling services for the city of _______. The city of ______'s website is http://www.ci.______.ca.us/ if you click on the letter "R" you can scroll down and click on recycling. The people who provide recycling services for are _______& Sons and their website is http://www._______.com/ . I suggest you take a gander. Examples of things that can be recycled that are often thrown in the trash here are:
magazines, newspapers, soda cans, tin cans (for soup/veggies/etc), plastic microwave dinner trays, cardboard covers for said microwave dinners and/or food packaging, egg cartons, cereal boxes, miscellaneous paper, and all plastics with numbers 1-7 (within the triangle of arrows that denotes recyclable materials). Please make it a point to recycle these items.
For the 2nd group of people afraid to leave their consoles for fear of missing 911 calls or radio traffic, just get up from your desk and do it. Blue recycle bins are no more than 10 paces from any given console. Take a break, you deserve it, get up and put the recycling where it belong.
For the 3rd group who just doesn't care, I will care for you. In an effort to encourage recycling for this group I request that those who do care mention it when noticed. I will also be reminding/encouraging people in a variety of ways if I find recyclables in their trash. I will bring it to the attention of the person whose trash it is verbally. If they are not at their console I may remind them by placing the item in a conspicuous location (as long as it is not covered in food or filth) with a reminder Post-It.
What I'm getting at here folks is that it is just as easy to dump recycling in a blue bin as it is a beige bin. I'm also growing weary of sifting through garbage to put recyclables in their proper place. The department has made it very easy for us to recycle here, let's utilize the resources we have been given.
Scene from Three Amigos altered to fit the subject of the recycling report-
Jefe: I have put many beautiful blue bins on the dispatch floor, each of them filled with little surprises.
El Guapo: Many blue bins?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of blue bins?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A plethora.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
El Guapo: No. Just recycle.